A year ago I wrote a post that I had been composing in my head for the entire year prior. I envisioned the photos I would take to highlight the progress I'd made and worked on finding just the right words to sum up a crazy and life-changing year. Then, I sat back and enjoyed the overwhelming response to that post and marveled at the number of people that it reached. A few months later I started realizing that my "end of year two" post was going to be vastly different.
I don't have any impressive numbers or dramatic photos to share this year because, truthfully, I didn't make progress that would have shown up in a photograph and what could be seen wouldn't have told the whole story. Though this year's transformation hasn't been impressive or positive on the outside, I feel like my inside self has greatly improved from that of the smiling girl who was only proud of herself last year because she thought she had done enough to make everyone else proud.
It's not necessarily a bad thing if sharing my story, triumphs, and struggles helped others, or inspired them. I'm not ungrateful or regretful of the attention I received, but as much as I thought that I needed all of that, what I learned this year was that I'm much stronger when I'm driven by nothing more than my internal need to improve - for me alone. When I'm truly tapped into my goals and I'm honest about what I need to do to reach them. I'm stronger when I can view training as nothing more than time to move, rid myself of stress and drama and expectation, and simply feel good about myself and be thankful for what I am able to accomplish.
I spent the better part of this last year feeling lost and frustrated and defeated. In just the last ten weeks I feel like I've found my way again and I've finally been able to regain a stable footing and begin the climb back, not to where I was last year, but even higher, on a steadier, more well planned path.
Do I wish I could have arrived at this place without sacrificing so much of what I gained last year? Obviously. But it will come. I will get back there, and this time it will be all that much sweeter because I will have had to try and fight harder for what I want. I welcome the challenge. No matter what happens in this third year, there is something to be learned in every step you take, be it forward or back.
