A Truly Happy New Year

To quote 2013 me:

"My resolution for 2014 is Be Happy."

Done. I kept it short, simple, and specific. I feel like I did a pretty good job sticking to that resolution and working on it throughout the year. Did I have down days or tough days? Absolutely, but sitting here tonight I feel much more positive and hopeful about things than I did last year, so I'ma call that a win.

I've thought a lot about happiness over the last year and even more so in the last few weeks. There has been so much happiness going on all around me. This year I got to see my older sister get married and in just the last two weeks I've gotten to congratulate at least 4 friends on their "baby coming in 2015" announcements, 3 sets of friends on their engagements, 2 on their wedding, and 2 on the arrival of their baby just today! What I found surprising is that instead of being butthurt and all "is the entirety of Facebook engaged and pregnant?!?!??" I am legitimately excited and happy for them. I think it's because I have more fulfillment in my own life. It's truly awesome to be at a place where I can recognize and celebrate that incredible happiness in others.

I can't pinpoint any big changes that I made this year - I think it was more of a culmination of times throughout the year that I made the choice to be happy. Times I changed my attitude and the way I responded to my situation. I stepped outside my comfort zone more. It's all made a big difference, but I'm not quite all the way there yet.

As it is known to do, the universe has been tapping me on the shoulder the last few days to remind me of my goal, of my resolution... letting me know this is the right path and to keep going. 

I'm sure you've been inundated by New Year's "lists" - I've read a lot of them too, but the following are just a few of the better articles I've come across and the excerpts that really hit home for me.

- Your First Step Toward Happiness

"2. Change the way you think.

Indeed, all change starts inside your head. If you think like a victim, you will be a victim of the worst life and work have to offer. But if you think like a champion who overcomes difficulties, you will be an over comer.

Wayne Dyer, one of the most prominent success coaches of the last 50 years, says, 'When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.'”

- 10 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Single, Unhappy Self

"10. Be the hero of your own life.

True, things will change without you doing anything. However, once you take responsibility for your own happiness, instead of blaming your job, the weather, your friends and family, or the government — making yourself a victim — you can become the hero of your own life. When you actively seek truth, joy, and love, with the vulnerability and diligence you deserve, a fantastic transformation will not be withheld from you."

- New Year’s Resolution Remix: 15 Things To Stop Doing In 2015

"7. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You are not a victim; it’s time to get out of your own way. If you find yourself constantly surrounded by drama, you are the one enabling it.

You will never be able to control what others do; however, you are in full control of how you react. Realize that you can overcome hard times. Instead of attending your own pity party, you can accept the fact that only you can change your thoughts and experiences.

You have the power to control your feelings."

So basically, in 2015 I plan to keep on keeping on and taking responsibility for my own happiness. Working on losing weight (#roadto100 - by the 2016 CrossFit Games Open), being happy, and being more awesome. 

All the best to all of you. No matter what your goals, I hope to celebrate them and your happiness with you in the coming year! Cheers to us all.

Quitter

Some nights are harder than others. When I haven't been on track with my nutrition, or I've had a few days off, or I've been feeling sick, or I'm not as hydrated as I need to be...or all of these things all at once...it's not exactly the ideal set-up for success.

Every second was a struggle tonight. I wanted to quit so many times. I wanted to sit down. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just be able to breathe easily. Unfortunately for about 18 minutes none of that happened. I may have almost cried somewhere near the end if I hadn't already sweated out every drop of fluid I had in me. 

Tonight I was given the choice to finish the workout or throw in the towel with about a third of the work left. I didn't hesitate to drop my head and shake it back and forth to signify that I was done. 

Making that decision felt really good. Not just because it meant I could catch my breath and stop doing burpees, but because I knew it was a good decision. I don't usually like it when I'm told to scale or when I get time capped or have my reps cut mid-workout. Sometimes I get annoyed because it seems like I don't get the chance to see if I could do the work, even though I know (in the end) it's smarter for the coach to pull me back.

Tonight I was okay with quitting because I'd already hit a wall about 70 jumps, 15 burpees, and 30 pull-ups earlier. The moment arrived when I wanted to throw down the jump rope and walk away, but instead I threw it down and climbed up on the plates I stacked to do 5 more pull-ups. And then I did it again a few more times. And I got down on the floor and pulled myself back up more times than I wanted to. I kept moving long after my head started telling me it was having none of this exercise nonsense.

So, when it came time to keep pushing or call it good enough, I called it. I'd done more than I wanted to, more than I thought I could. I'd done enough to be satisfied with my effort. Could I have finished? Maybe, but knowing that I needed to stop and owning that decision and being completely okay with it proved more to me than finishing would have proved to anyone else. 

In the Silence

Music is an integral part of CrossFit to me. Really, it's an integral part of life. In my world there is little that I do that doesn't have a soundtrack. The first thing I do when I wake up is turn on the radio... I have one in the bathroom. I listen to music on the way to work, while I'm working, on the way home, when I walk or drive to the gym, while I workout, while I make dinner. In college my best papers were written to music. I can't imagine not having music in my life.

Of the 10 or so CrossFit gyms I've been to, there hasn't been a single one that didn't involve a 3,2,1...blaring music!! It's as much a part of CrossFit as barbells and wallballs. Just like I can't imagine driving to work in silence, I can't fathom being pumped up to get through a workout with nothing to drown out the voice that makes me doubt myself and begs me to quit.

But there's something to be said for silence. Amazing moments happen in the quietest parts of life. 

Every so often there exists a fleeting moment in the silence created between songs when you can hear the gym. An instant in which the thumping of the bass ringing in your ears is replaced by the pulse of your own heartbeat.

In that void, when all you can hear is the clang of a barbell and the rattle of the plates or even just the off-beat, rhythmless, labored breathing of the 11 other people swinging kettlebells in line next to you... I remember why I love CrossFit so much. 

The sound of the gym that fills those gaps is born of hard work. The clangs, and slaps, and grunts, and gasps for air. Every barbell that hits the ground is one that someone picked up. Every woosh of the wheel on a rower signifys someone getting a few meters closer to a goal. 

It may sound dorky, but I think it's really cool to be a part of that silence. It's why I liked being in band - that feeling of being part of a bigger whole. Knowing that the notes I played were just as important as the notes someone else was playing. (Especially since the instrument I played rarely got the melody, but I digress.)

When all I can hear in the silence is 12 separate people gasping for air, it doesn't matter that I'm swinging around 10lbs and the guy next to me is swinging 70. The point is that we're ALL breathing hard, all working hard, even if we're not doing the exact same thing.

In that moment, the emptiness and the silence of life doesn't seem so bad. In that kind of silence I don't feel alone. The sound we make together in the silence is as loud as whatever heavy metal or rap song is next on the playlist. And, if I really think about it, maybe that's all I need to drown out the doubt.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/esm723/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0