Quitter

Some nights are harder than others. When I haven't been on track with my nutrition, or I've had a few days off, or I've been feeling sick, or I'm not as hydrated as I need to be...or all of these things all at once...it's not exactly the ideal set-up for success.

Every second was a struggle tonight. I wanted to quit so many times. I wanted to sit down. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just be able to breathe easily. Unfortunately for about 18 minutes none of that happened. I may have almost cried somewhere near the end if I hadn't already sweated out every drop of fluid I had in me. 

Tonight I was given the choice to finish the workout or throw in the towel with about a third of the work left. I didn't hesitate to drop my head and shake it back and forth to signify that I was done. 

Making that decision felt really good. Not just because it meant I could catch my breath and stop doing burpees, but because I knew it was a good decision. I don't usually like it when I'm told to scale or when I get time capped or have my reps cut mid-workout. Sometimes I get annoyed because it seems like I don't get the chance to see if I could do the work, even though I know (in the end) it's smarter for the coach to pull me back.

Tonight I was okay with quitting because I'd already hit a wall about 70 jumps, 15 burpees, and 30 pull-ups earlier. The moment arrived when I wanted to throw down the jump rope and walk away, but instead I threw it down and climbed up on the plates I stacked to do 5 more pull-ups. And then I did it again a few more times. And I got down on the floor and pulled myself back up more times than I wanted to. I kept moving long after my head started telling me it was having none of this exercise nonsense.

So, when it came time to keep pushing or call it good enough, I called it. I'd done more than I wanted to, more than I thought I could. I'd done enough to be satisfied with my effort. Could I have finished? Maybe, but knowing that I needed to stop and owning that decision and being completely okay with it proved more to me than finishing would have proved to anyone else.