Biggest Winner

Season 14 of The Biggest Loser started tonight. Of course I watched, like I have almost every season, except this year is much different. In previous years I would typically host a weekly pity party with only one attendee, watch The Biggest Loser while eating ridiculous amounts of terrible food, and lament about the fact that I was never going to be able to do what the people on TV were doing.

There would be a crushing realization and a pit in my stomach during every first week weigh-in when I was smacked upside the head with the fact that not only was I usually bigger than the biggest girls on the show, I was bigger than several of the men too. For anyone who has never had to stare down the daunting prospect of losing 100-200 pounds, it seems utterly hopeless and insurmountable. For me, watching The Biggest Loser made the task seem even more hopeless because I started to get in a head space that being on a TV show with professional trainers, in a contained situation with everything provided for me was the only way that weight loss like I was facing would be possible. Instead of feeling inspired by all these people changing their lives, I would get jaded and think "Of course they could do it, look at all the help they had."

I think there are many things that are good about shows like The Biggest Loser, in theory. They provide inspiration and a catalyst for many people. They have helped to encourage a culture of fitness and change for communities and have brought problems like childhood obesity to the American consciousness. To a certain extent they also address nutrition and the underlying emotional and psychological issues behind obesity, which are such important pieces to the puzzle. What bothers me is how it creates unrealistic expectations and all the game play and I think if they really wanted to help people, why kick them off and send them home? You don't get to fully understand that these people are doing nothing but working out 6-8 hours a day without any other outside stressors and then you get discouraged when you can't lose 10-20 pounds a week like they do.

I filled out the Biggest Loser application several times, and it's a LONG application. It asks a lot of tough questions about why you want to lose weight and how you became overweight. One that always got me was "List your 3 closest female and 3 closest male friends" - I could never come up with enough people to answer that question. Every time I chickened out and never submitted a tape or went to a casting call. A few years ago I got an email from the company that casts the Biggest Loser about an open call for a show that ended up being Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. I did some research and after talking it over with my parents I found myself on a midnight Greyhound bound for Nashville. It was probably the longest day of my life and talking with the producers in front of others about what brought me there was a big turning point for me. Even though I didn't get called back for the show and it would be awhile before I really got going on my journey, that trip was important.

What is different about watching The Biggest Loser this year, even though I'm still bigger than some of the contestants, is that my mindset has changed. The Biggest Loser is no longer an aspiration for me. I don't need it. I'm not jaded or jealous of the opportunities these people have. I mean, don't get me wrong, when all is said and done it would be nice to win a whole lot of money for losing weight, but the ultimate prize I'm shooting for is health and happiness. Weight loss is still difficult and it's still daunting, but it no longer seems hopeless or unattainable. I've already lost 80 pounds and I've done so in a much more realistic and sustainable way. For every contestant on The Biggest Loser who does change their life and changes it for good, there is another that gains back some of the weight they've lost and is unable to maintain the changes outside of the unrealistic world of "The Ranch."

I didn't need a TV show and I didn't need Bob, or Jillian, or Dolvett., I just needed someone to believe in me and help me believe in myself.

I had Amanda, Jay, Adam D, Stephanie, Kevin, Kelsey, Adam P, Alicia, Brock, Jason, Crystal, Neal, and my team at Brickhouse who got me started and who help me when I visit home. Now I also have Andrew, Noah, Kate, Justin, Josh, Quinn, Sean, Aldo,  Hank, Amelia, Ellie, Jenn, Mike, and my team at District who welcomed me in when I moved to DC and are continuing to challenge me and help me grow and reach my goals.

I didn't need a Ranch. I have a box, and that's even better.