I have heard that when you make big changes in your life you may alienate old friends or have toxic people in your life that you really can't surround yourself with anymore. Like if you were an alcoholic and then get sober it's probably not best to hang around with all your old drinking buddies. I really didn't have that problem when I made my life changes. I didn't really have relationships that were holding me back or people that were encouraging me to make bad choices. It really was all on me and my biggest enemy is my head. If I've learned nothing else, it's that losing weight and fighting a food addiction is largely a mental game. How I think about myself, food, exercise, and the choices I make plays a huge part in my success and failure.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Sometimes it makes me sad and jealous when I see everyone with their families and babies and amazing vacations. It lets me keep in touch with people I don't get to see very often, or at all, but it also makes me miss them. One of the best things about Facebook for me, right now, is that it is a virtual support system. Every day I can bombard myself with positivity and inspiration by the pages and people that I follow. I get programming, pictures, event notifications, and "congratulations on your muscle up" updates from 8 different boxes. I see pictures and inspirational quotes from several CrossFit community pages. I learn about new products from all of the equipment and apparel companies I follow. I get technique tips on mobility and Olympic lifting from various blogs and websites. I get to celebrate the successes of friends near and far and get to share mine with them. I can get advice and encouragement when I find myself struggling. I can find new recipes or get advice on nutrition. I'm virtually surrounding myself with the right tools and with like minded people who all help in some way to keep me motivated. Sometimes all of that just isn't enough if the most important part of the equation isn't involved.
What I'm finding is that my mind is a key player that sits the bench a bit too often. No matter how much good information I throw at myself, sometimes it just doesn't stick. Sometimes I ignore all of what I know to be true and make bad decisions. I lie to myself. I talk myself out of good choices and into bad ones. I make myself a victim. I let others talk me into things I really should avoid. I say yes too quickly when I should say no. I tell myself that I'm fighting hard, that I'm not giving up, but I do. I may not have completely given up, but in little ways I give up over and over again. When I plan to go to the box and change my mind, or I buy food that I know I shouldn't eat, in that moment, for that choice, I gave up on working toward my goal. If I choose something that isn't going to help me, isn't going to move me forward, then I am in essence choosing to move backward.
This realization is why I'm changing my mind. Not "about" what I'm doing, but about how I'm doing it and what I think and say about what I'm doing.
My overall goal is the get healthy. The things I am doing to meet this goal are changing the way I eat and increasing my activity level with CrossFit training and Olympic weightlifting. Changing the way I eat in combination with cardio and weightlifting has helped me to loose fat and build muscle. It's made me stronger, healthier, happier, and has made me feel better overall. These are the things I need to focus on when I make choices. Will this choice help me loose fat or build muscle? Will this choice make me stronger? Will I feel better if I choose this? Will I be happier? Anytime the answer is no, I need to say it. Firmly. And be happy that I said no. And anytime I answer the question wrong (a no when it should be yes - a yes when it should be no) I need to recognize that and own it.
When people ask about what I'm doing, I need to answer in a way that gives me the power. That makes what I'm doing my choice. I'm not eating "Paleo" anymore. I'm not on a diet. I'm choosing to eat healthy foods that make me feel good and fuel my performance. I'm choosing to avoid foods that don't. I won't say "I can't" or "I'm not supposed to" or "I'm not allowed to." It feels much stronger to say "I don't." That makes it my choice. I've decided not to do it. I won't have cheat meals or days. If I've chosen to eat something that is going to make me feel bad, then I know very well what that will mean. I know that one day of eating really bad food will make me feel like hell for almost a week. It's happened enough times (more than it should have) for me to know this with certainty. One day of bad food is not worth a week of feeling like death. Not anymore.
None of this is new or groundbreaking. I'm sure that we've all heard this. I've heard it too, but the difference is that I'm ready to believe it and do it. I'm changing the way that I think, speak, and act. I'm changing my mind. Hopefully this will spark more changes and get me back on track. It's been awhile since I have really worked hard in the box and done a full out WOD and I know that my first one back is going to suck. A lot. It's going to feel like starting over and I don't want to have to start over. It wasn't that long ago that I started and I don't want to have to feel that again. I made choices that put me in this position. I gave up too many times. If I didn't want to start over, I shouldn't have given up. I'm gonna stop that. Thanks Alicia. YOU inspire me.
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