Perspective

There's been several times over the last year or so that I have been in a hole and thought that things were incredibly crappy and have asked for some perspective. A few times I was presented with the answer in the form of something pretty awful happening that made me realize that whatever I had been dwelling on was not really as bad as I thought.

I haven't been having a great week. I haven't been happy and more times than I'm proud to admit I've reverted back to dealing with my unhappiness by eating really bad foods. This used to make me feel better. I used to find comfort in eating myself into a semi-coma. I realize now that I lived in a constant state of suck that I perpetuated by continuing to eat more and more terrible things that made me feel physically as terrible as I felt emotionally. Before the bad food didn't make me feel as bad as it does now. So now, instead of feeling equally as terrible inside and out, I feel much, much worse. This coping mechanism clearly is not working for me and I'm going to endeavor to find a new one.

I'm trying to take a few steps back and get a look at the bigger picture and I think I found my perspective. This time my answer wasn't that things are worse for others, but that my life now is much better than it used to be and my bad days now aren't as rough as my bad days used to be because of the work that I've done over the last 10 months. I've done so much to change my life and after making myself feel so horrible I want more than ever to keep working hard and never go back to the person I used to be.

This weekend marked 10 months since I started CrossFit and my goal for the next two months is to work hard. No excuses. I want to be consistent with my workouts, even when I'm not feeling it, I'm going to go anyway. I can't be upset with the results I'm not getting if I'm not being honest about how hard I'm working. I'm really excited about the CrossFit Open and I can't wait to push myself beyond what I think is possible. I decided to only weigh in at competitions and my next one is at the one year anniversary. I hope that I will have passed the 100 pound milestone by then and I'm going to do whatever it takes to hit this goal.

Sometimes I lose sight of the big picture and so I go back to the pictures. I'm glad that I've kept up with documenting my journey because it really does help me to realize that even though I still have a long way to go I have made a great amount of progress. I don't always see it day by day, but the hard work is working, so I've got to keep working hard.



Finally able to fit into pants from Lululemon!!