Today has become a reflective day for me. Every year, instead of being sad, I try to reflect on my life and celebrate it. I definitely see life as a gift and even more so now I try to not take it for granted.
My life was changed forever on this day 9 years ago, but many more lives were changed at the same time. When I left for work on March 1, 2004 I was very excited. I was wearing one of my favorite outfits, I was getting my new car delivered that day, and because the managers were in San Antonio at a conference, I was going to be in charge all week. It was going to be a great day, but there was no indication that it would be a life changing day, not just for me but for my family and five other families.
None of us could have known that later that evening we would all be involved in a bad car accident. The parents of 3 of the kids in the other car didn't know that when they said goodbye to their child that evening it would be the last time they would speak. When my parents came to pick up their car from me and to see my new Jeep they didn't know that the next time they saw me would be as the rescue squad was cutting me out of the Jeep.
Life can change in an instant.
We're never guaranteed even the next breath.
I think a lot about the kids who died in the accident. I think about how their lives ending changed the lives of their family and everyone who knew them. I think about all the things they'll never do. They didn't get to graduate from high school, go to college, get married, have families.
It was hard for me to admit that I was angry about the accident. What right did I have to be upset about my 2 broken legs when others had lost so much more? Even though the accident was not my fault, I felt a responsibility for the pain that it caused to my family and to the other families. I used to feel guilty because I survived.
I would ask myself: If I had left work on time, or not spent so much time in the parking lot setting up the radio, or if i had taken longer, or taken a different road... If my car hadn't been there for their car to hit, would they all still be alive? Questions like this can't be answered and you can drive yourself crazy trying. Sometimes bad things just happen. They happen for a reason, but we don't necessarily know why. I have to believe that I was meant to be in that accident and that I was meant to survive because I'm meant for something unique in this world. I'm meant to make a difference. Not that say that those who died weren't, but maybe their lives had a different purpose? This is something that I've tried to focus on and fulfill in the last 9 years.
My life was changed forever on this day 9 years ago, but many more lives were changed at the same time. When I left for work on March 1, 2004 I was very excited. I was wearing one of my favorite outfits, I was getting my new car delivered that day, and because the managers were in San Antonio at a conference, I was going to be in charge all week. It was going to be a great day, but there was no indication that it would be a life changing day, not just for me but for my family and five other families.
None of us could have known that later that evening we would all be involved in a bad car accident. The parents of 3 of the kids in the other car didn't know that when they said goodbye to their child that evening it would be the last time they would speak. When my parents came to pick up their car from me and to see my new Jeep they didn't know that the next time they saw me would be as the rescue squad was cutting me out of the Jeep.
Life can change in an instant.
We're never guaranteed even the next breath.
I think a lot about the kids who died in the accident. I think about how their lives ending changed the lives of their family and everyone who knew them. I think about all the things they'll never do. They didn't get to graduate from high school, go to college, get married, have families.
It was hard for me to admit that I was angry about the accident. What right did I have to be upset about my 2 broken legs when others had lost so much more? Even though the accident was not my fault, I felt a responsibility for the pain that it caused to my family and to the other families. I used to feel guilty because I survived.
I would ask myself: If I had left work on time, or not spent so much time in the parking lot setting up the radio, or if i had taken longer, or taken a different road... If my car hadn't been there for their car to hit, would they all still be alive? Questions like this can't be answered and you can drive yourself crazy trying. Sometimes bad things just happen. They happen for a reason, but we don't necessarily know why. I have to believe that I was meant to be in that accident and that I was meant to survive because I'm meant for something unique in this world. I'm meant to make a difference. Not that say that those who died weren't, but maybe their lives had a different purpose? This is something that I've tried to focus on and fulfill in the last 9 years.
 |
| Standing for the first time. |
I try to think about what is different and what I have added to the world in the last 9 years, because I survived. I think about how I went back to school and made friends that I might not have met. I have a college degree now and I don't know that I would have been as motivated to leave my job and go back to school if the accident hadn't made me think about Ginni and Janae and Michael not having that chance.
I think about the difference I may have made for any of the 200+ children that I taught during practicum, student teaching, and at daycare. I think about how I worked with twin 11 month old babies who were newly placed in foster care and gained their trust by showing them that they were loved and that they would be comforted and cared for under my watch.
I think about how I might not be on this journey to lose weight and might not have joined CrossFit and wouldn't have a story to share that would inspire others to change their lives.
As difficult as it has been over the last 9 years and and as much pain as it caused, I don't know that I would want to change what happened to me. I do wish that no one had lost their life, but I think that I live a better, more meaningful life, now because of what I have been through. I think I am more grateful and closer to my family because of what we went through together.
They do say "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger." I am stronger because I survived.
 |
| Jamie, Sammi, and I 8 years ago on my first "Celebrating Life" Day |
No comments:
Post a Comment