When the Going is Tough

I thought things were difficult when I started CrossFit. I thought that it was scary and challenging and painful. It was not a comfortable situation physically, emotionally, socially...CrossFit was difficult because it was so outside of my comfort zone. It was actually more difficult living with being overweight, living in pain, and being miserable. Changing your life is difficult, but looking back, starting wasn't the hardest part. The first four months weren't even that hard. When everything is new and exciting and everyday brings a new challenge and a new PR, that's the easy part. When it's fun and things get comfortable, that's when it's easy.

I'm finding that what is difficult is sticking with something when it isn't new, and isn't fun, and when you don't get a PR everyday. Keeping up with your training when you don't see immediate results. Continuing to try when you struggle and feel like you aren't making progress. Showing up when you don't feel your best. Not wanting to, but doing it anyway. Deciding that maybe your current path isn't the right one at this moment, that's pretty difficult.

And that's where I've found myself over the last two months. In a bit of a crisis of faith that what I'm doing is the right thing. I've found myself questioning if maybe it shouldn't be such a struggle and should be more fun. Wondering if I'm really trying my hardest, or if I even want to try any more. Bouncing back and forth between grasping for new resolve with a renewed attitude and spirit and just trudging through the motions.

For a number of reasons, all this questioning has brought me to a bit of a crossroads. After much discussion with people whose wisdom and opinions I value, I've decided to take a bit of a different path for awhile. I like to think of it as a parallel route, with several cross streets along the way that I can turn back on at any point in the future. I'm not completely leaving CrossFit behind, but I am going to put it on hold for now. I love CrossFit and everything that I have accomplished so far and I had a great time competing in the Open, but I feel like my heart is in a bit of a different place right now.

Me and Cara, my Olympic lifting coach

Many people use CrossFit as supplementary training for another sport and up until now I haven't had another sport, but I've found myself really drawn to the Olympic lifting aspect of CrossFit. I'm not the greatest lifter yet, but I feel like it's one area where I have the potential to excel. I enjoy how deceptively simple the snatch and clean and jerk are and I like being able to focus on all the nuances of those two lifts. Over the past two months I've starting training with an Olympic lifting coach and I am going to continue this going forward. I only have one competition scheduled right now, in two weeks, but I look forward to training hard and competing more over the next year.

I will continue to train at District CrossFit and I'm signed up for CrossFit competitions in June and September that I still plan to do. CrossFit just won't be my main training focus for now. I'm excited to see what I can do in the sport of Olympic weightlifting and what I can do with focused training and coaching on my lifts. This is going to be a new start for me and I need to remember that the starting isn't the hardest part. I'm a little nervous to start a new chapter of my journey, but that's what this whole last year has been about. Being courageous in the face of change.