I've been having some pretty intense pain in my left leg below my knee since the end of August. I'm gonna blame what I call "Epic Squat Week 2012." This week included 20 odd 80lb back squats, Nancy (lots of overhead squats), and several rounds of air squats. The leg was having none of this, and has continued to angrily protest all squatting activity since. I'm not positive this was the "Outbreak Monkey" but I think it's a pretty good candidate.
Even at my heaviest, squats were never really all that difficult for me. I surprised myself with my squatting ability, especially since it was at least 4 years after my accident before I did squatting of any kind on purpose. Squats didn't start out difficult, but a couple times my knees, or the associated tendons surrounding them, would start to rebel against being put to work.
I've tried several different things to help with the pain. Foam rolling, lacrosse balling, ice, heat, elevation, anti-inflammatory medicine, rest... nothing seemed to help much, or for very long. Pain is frustrating as is feeling like you have limits. After my accident there was a list of "can't do's" that stretched out for miles. Can't walk, can't stand, can't shower, can't use the bathroom on my own, can't sleep on my stomach, can't get dressed standing up, can't kneel, can't squat, can't skip, can't run, can't get up off the floor... As I healed most of the "normal" activities I had relearn or learn a modified version until I was strong enough to go back to the normal way. Like transferring out of bed to a wheelchair, transferring to a toilet chair or shower chair, getting dressed sitting on a bed, walking (yes I had to learn to walk again), balancing, etc. CrossFit has helped me erase every other "can't" including running, which I thought would NEVER be possible again. You can imagine the utter frustration that comes when you've made the strides to regain your abilities, only for another injury to take them away or make them difficult again. Or maybe you can't? It sucks.
I finally gave into the pain and sought out a sports medicine orthopedic specialist thinking surely he would understand more than a family doctor what an athlete goes through and would be able to help me overcome this injury. After a short exam and several x-rays (I'm surprised that I'm not radio-active at this point, seeing as how I've been x-rayed at least 50 times, probably more) the doctor proclaimed his diagnosis of patellar tendinitis. Apparently when the trauma surgeons inserted the rod in my left leg following the accident they did so through the patellar tendon, which ultimately caused scarring on the tendon. Scar tissue tends to not stretch as well as the rest of the tendon so he thinks that all of the squatting I've been doing in CrossFit has caused the irritation to my tendon.
The first step to healing is to have the diagnosis. The next is treatment. His suggestion was to avoid squatting. "Forever?" I asked, "or just for awhile?" He went on to explain why coaches think that squats are important and said that for athletes like football players who have to take on other football players that are training intensely it would make sense for an athlete like that to try to train on an equal footing with his competitor. But if that isn't the case, there are other ways to work on your leg muscles without squats. Are there any other "exercise programs" that appeal to me? Um, no.
But it's not just an exercise program, I protested. CrossFit is my sport, I'm a CrossFit athlete. What am I supposed to do if I can never squat again? I nearly started crying in front of a stranger (not a totally foreign behavior for me) but managed to hold it together as the doctor laid out the possibility of re injury, ruptured tendons, and chronic tendinitis. All of which didn't sound like very fun things to go through. I think he finally caught on that I wasn't ready to hang up my Nanos and offered me a prescription for anti-inflammatory medicine and a Cho-Pat strap and suggested friction massages as well as laying off the squatting for awhile. All of this was what I had expected and could live with this plan of action, but the little voice in the back of my head kept wondering, what if he's right, what if I'm going to become a "can't girl" again?
After talking with my coaches and my Mom, I think I've made up my mind that quitting CrossFit is not the solution. As my Mom said, tendinitis won't kill you. I've got a pretty high tolerance for pain and I've been through more than my fair share. This is but a road bump on the journey and hopefully many other things will get stronger as I focus on them instead of squats.
I was broken once, and not only physically. I am stronger now, reinforced with titanium and courage. A wise bearded man once told me, "you aren't broken, you're just in pain. Everyone who works out is in some sort of pain now and then." No doubt that sitting out of some of my favorite movements over the next few weeks going to be excruciating, but this too shall pass, and I plan to emerge on the other side stronger than ever.
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