What is Courage?

This may sound like one of those urban legends that gets passed around from person to person. My cousin knew a guy who said... I actually heard it from my freshman "Great Works" professor when he assigned us a paper comparing The Iliad, All Quiet on the Western Front, and Louis L'Amour's The Walking Drum.  Nevertheless, the story goes like this:

A professor assigns a paper entitled "What is Courage?" Student turns in the assignment with nothing written except, "This Is." Student gets an A. I always thought the better answer would have been to write out the entire Cowardly Lion speech from The Wizard of Oz. But that's just me.

Courage is defined (by Dictionary.com - because really, who quotes Webster any more?) as the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.

This is my journey. My journey is about changing my life, finding my strength, becoming a me I can be proud of, overcoming obstacles, eating like a Caveman, and CrossFit. But mostly it's about courage.

The past 5 months have been a bit of a whirlwind. I started this journey in April 2012 by taking a courageous first step into the world of Brickhouse CrossFit and with it came of the highest highs and lowest lows I've experienced. Success, failure, pain, struggle, joy. I've lost weight, gained strength and confidence, made some of the greatest friends ever, became an athlete... and then I had to move away. I had been thriving in this strange new world and was happier than I had been in at least 20 years but, even though I had planned on it all along, my dream world was about to be ripped out from under me by the obligation to move for my job. I knew this was coming when I started CrossFit, but I hadn't really mentally prepared for it to happen when it did, or as quickly as it did. Or that being a Brickhouse athlete would change me as profoundly as it did. I never imagined that working out would make me a part of such a rich community of the most amazing people that I would be devastated to leave behind. Don't get me wrong, the move has been an amazing opportunity and I really am grateful to have it, but I have had a hard time reconciling the fact that making that one change in my life would make me have to give up all the other parts that seemed so ideal.

I wish that I was more courageous, or that it came easier, but nothing worth having is easy. The struggle makes the success sweeter. Every new step requires every ounce of courage I can muster. New city, new apartment, new job. Taking that first step into a new CrossFit box where no one knows my name or knows how far I've come since April. No one there who knows exactly when to come over and tell me "you've got this." No one to keep me accountable for the choices I make. No one to kill bugs for me. Living alone tests your courage more than anything. It wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't so lonely.

Each day gets a little better, but I don't miss my friends any less. Facebook is great to keep people connected, but there is also a built in element of cruelty. I am so thankful that everyone from Brickhouse is still there for me when I don't feel strong enough on my own, but the kind words, smiles, and cyber hugs just aren't as good as the real thing. I cherish them all the same. I am trying hard to make new friends and summon the courage I had to do so at the beginning of my journey. I am hopeful that I'll find great people here too and visit the ones at home as often as I can.

My spirit definitely took a blow when I had to make so many drastic changes to the life I had been building for myself, but wallowing in self-pity and longing for what used to be will never allow me to continue on my journey. I'll still cry when I'm lonely, but hopefully writing here and reaching out into the universe will help me deal with all of the stress and loneliness and make the load a little lighter until my courage builds up to a level that allows me to face all the difficulty without fear.

I am strong. I am powerful.

I can fly with my own wings. (Thanks Amanda, I adore this statement.)

I discovered these things with the help of everyone at Brickhouse and now it's time for me to own it.