Just One Thing

Hello again, ye few but faithful. I know I haven't written anything in a few weeks, but it was never my intention for this to be a daily or even weekly blog. My writing is intended to be a catharsis, a way for me to work out what's on my mind and keep me from reverting to less healthy options when I'm lonely or stressed. I won't always need it, but that doesn't mean that I'll only write when I'm down, more that I'll write when I feel inspired or like I have something worthwhile that needs to be said.

2012 Drumstick Dash

Good News first. Big changes over the last week include running (yes running) in the 2012 Stellar One Drumstick Dash 5K in Roanoke, VA. Last year I walked with my Mom and Dad and finished in last place out of about 15,000 people in 1:44:18. I was miserable and in pain and even though I was happy that I completed it, I was determined to do much better this year. I didn't run the whole thing, but I did finish in 56:24:92 which was well under the 1 hour time limit I set for myself and blew last year's time out of the water. I wasn't in pain, didn't have to stop, and didn't finish last. I felt really good at the end of the race this year. Oh, and I ran it with some great friends in a giant tutu!




2011 Drumstick Dash

In other news, despite the good things that have happened, I've been struggling quite a bit since I moved to feel in control. I've always said that I don't like change and don't do well with it, but I'm realizing more and more that I only focus on "bad" changes when I say this. As of this week I have completed seven months of changes, and most of them have been good changes. And I like them.

I got to spend the last week at home for Thanksgiving and was able to go to my family doctor for a check-up and to have my HA1C levels checked. I was diagnosed as a Type 2 diabetic in May of 2011 and my Hemoglobin A1C level was a shocking 9.4, which is just ridiculous. Being diabetic was something that had scared me for a long time because it runs in my family and I've seen how devastating it can be. As I got bigger and bigger, I held onto the delusion that I was okay because at least I wasn't diabetic. Until I was. I started on 3 different medicines and tried on my own to lose weight, but after a year I was only able to get my HA1C down to a 7.5, which was still too high.

When I made the decision to start CrossFit in April of 2012, I never dreamed that it would be as effective as it has been or that it would change so many things so drastically. By cleaning up my diet and working hard I was able to stop taking one of my medications after only two weeks. At the end of three months I had gotten my HA1C down to a 5.7, which is considered to be in the normal range. Now at the end of seven months, not only have I lost a total of 75 lbs, but my HA1C has remained at a 5.7 and my doctor has said that it is okay for me to stop taking medication all together!

I know that this doesn't mean that I'm cured, or that I'm no longer diabetic, but being off of medication is a huge deal. It means that I'm in control of something. That diabetes is not controlling me, I control it. Not with medicine, but with the choices I make and with my hard work. Being off the medicine feels amazing, but I'm also a little scared because now it's all on me. If I want to stay off of the medicine, every choice that I make is even more important because now I'm working without a safety net. I'm only a little scared though. I have had "crutches" before and have had them taken away and it's scary at first, but realizing that you don't really need them is a really great feeling.

I went to a friend with my concerns about feeling out of control recently and she told me to focus on just one thing. Pick one thing that I can control and master it, even if it's small. Before I went to the doctor I had planned on making the one thing taking my medicine. Going forward without the medicine I think it's important to focus on my nutrition and the first "One Thing" I'm going to work on is not stopping for fast food. When I started my Whole 30 nutrition challenge I had pretty amazing willpower where fast food was concerned because it had been my downfall for so long. I drove down "Fast Food Row" on my way home every day and all the brightly colored buildings taunted me as I passed. I had tried to make myself think that fast food was not allowed, at all, ever. I just would not stop there. I felt like I had pretty much conquered that demon before I moved and wasn't craving my old comfort foods like I used to.

Since I moved I have slowly loosened my restrictions and have found that even though the food makes me feel terrible, I'm not struggling as much over making bad choices as I used to. I don't have an internal dialogue with myself wherein I try to talk myself out of the bad choice. I just go ahead and make the bad choice and beat myself up about it later. I don't want to do that any more. I want to feel confident in my choice to say no and to feel good about it and feel the strength of fighting for my health instead of the weakness of giving in to temptation. Until I feel that again, my prominent focus will be on not stopping for fast food, which will mean being prepared. I will have to think ahead and make sure that I have prepared meals in advance for lunches, and sometimes dinners, so that I won't take the easy way out when I'm stressed and hungry. If I have good food on hand, I'll eat good food, and I won't go searching for bad food.

Once I get that one thing under control, it'll be time for a new one thing, and one thing at a time I'll be making good changes again. And I like good change.